It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
