I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
