I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
