Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
