Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
