Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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