Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
