C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
