its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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