someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
