I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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