We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
