xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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