That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
