Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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