Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So here I am, sexting at work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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