Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
