I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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