Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
