yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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