So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
