Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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