tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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