She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
