3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
