is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
