You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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