My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
