Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
