They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
