Got a toothbrush?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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