I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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