spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
