from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my poor anus
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
