It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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