It's Friday. Sex?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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