so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the day after is always just damage control
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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