I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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