It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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