watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
