Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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