maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
