So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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