the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
