I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
