I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
