I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
