after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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