im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
