watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
