Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
