I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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