Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
