Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
